I was challenged to sum up all the conversations that I had preparing this project. Here’s where I landed:
You have to fight just as hard to seek perspective as you do to win a championship. Society either shapes or distorts what you value. It starts when you’re young.
When you score, what happens? People applaud. When you win, people praise. When you lose, people express disappointment.
What’s happening? A value system is taking form. You’re learning what society values.
If you come from a house where your parent(s) are emotionally attached to your performance, they’re mirroring what society values—you’re taking cues from them on what’s important. In that case, it aligns with society, and you chase that…because that’s all you know.
If you come from a house where your parents are trying to shape you against what society values, you feel in constant conflict—because every time you walk out of the front door, you see something different. In that case, you want to believe them, but you’re confused, because everywhere you look, you’re confronted with what society values.
If man’s approval is important to you, you become a product of what he values. You sacrifice what’s really important to be successful. When you do that, you’re labeled as committed, driven,
or someone who possesses the right mindset.
You start to derive your confidence from that reinforcement. You learn what it takes to be great. Then, you take that information into your profession. You work and you work because that’s what the system rewards. That’s how you get recognized and set yourself apart.
The profession turns you into a 24-hour coach. Eventually, you get your shot. And you remember what got you there—WORK.
You direct your drive at what the system rewards: Winning. You become consumed. The important people in your life become number two—a long way back from number one.
And what happens? You win. Applause. People praise. And you feel the love. You have to keep up the good work.
You work harder and harder to outdo your last performance. Each time you do, that praise turns into expectation. Eventually you set the bar so high, you don’t know if you can reach it. And then you don’t.
People express disappointment. You become confused. It’s like they’ve forgotten how much you’ve done. You start to work harder and harder to appease them. It starts to seem like whatever you do, it’s never enough. Eventually you realize, this is how you’re spending your life on Earth.
A major internal conflict starts to develop. You start to ask yourself, “Is it worth it?” You realize that you’re asking that question more and more.
Eventually, you get to a place where you look yourself in the mirror, and you answer, “No.” And that’s when it shifts. You start to search. How did I get so far off track? What did I value? Why didn’t I make time for what was really important? What did the people I surrounded myself with reinforce?
That breakdown leads to a breakthrough. You realize that your choices put you in that situation.
And you feel blessed to have that awareness. Because you realize…you can do it differently, if you so choose.
– Brett Ledbetter
Want to Learn More?
This book reveals insights from coaches at the top of their sport and tools to help you determine your priorities. You can also watch the video series that this book inspired.
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52 Question-Based Tools (QBTs)
Tips for High-Level Listening
Road Map to Put it in Practice
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