I was challenged to sum up all the conversations that I had preparing this project. Here’s where I landed:
You have to fight just as hard to seek perspective as you do to win a championship. Society either shapes or distorts what you value. It starts when you’re young.
When you score, what happens? People applaud. When you win, people praise. When you lose, people express disappointment.
What’s happening? A value system is taking form. You’re learning what society values.
If you come from a house where your parent(s) are emotionally attached to your performance, they’re mirroring what society values—you’re taking cues from them on what’s important. In that case, it aligns with society, and you chase that…because that’s all you know.
If you come from a house where your parents are trying to shape you against what society values, you feel in constant conflict—because every time you walk out of the front door, you see something different. In that case, you want to believe them, but you’re confused, because everywhere you look, you’re confronted with what society values.
If man’s approval is important to you, you become a product of what he values. You sacrifice what’s really important to be successful. When you do that, you’re labeled as committed, driven,
or someone who possesses the right mindset.
You start to derive your confidence from that reinforcement. You learn what it takes to be great. Then, you take that information into your profession. You work and you work because that’s what the system rewards. That’s how you get recognized and set yourself apart.
The profession turns you into a 24-hour coach. Eventually, you get your shot. And you remember what got you there—WORK.
You direct your drive at what the system rewards: Winning. You become consumed. The important people in your life become number two—a long way back from number one.
And what happens? You win. Applause. People praise. And you feel the love. You have to keep up the good work.
You work harder and harder to outdo your last performance. Each time you do, that praise turns into expectation. Eventually you set the bar so high, you don’t know if you can reach it. And then you don’t.
People express disappointment. You become confused. It’s like they’ve forgotten how much you’ve done. You start to work harder and harder to appease them. It starts to seem like whatever you do, it’s never enough. Eventually you realize, this is how you’re spending your life on Earth.
A major internal conflict starts to develop. You start to ask yourself, “Is it worth it?” You realize that you’re asking that question more and more.
Eventually, you get to a place where you look yourself in the mirror, and you answer, “No.” And that’s when it shifts. You start to search. How did I get so far off track? What did I value? Why didn’t I make time for what was really important? What did the people I surrounded myself with reinforce?
That breakdown leads to a breakthrough. You realize that your choices put you in that situation.
And you feel blessed to have that awareness. Because you realize…you can do it differently, if you so choose.
– Brett Ledbetter
Want to Learn More?
This book reveals insights from coaches at the top of their sport and tools to help you determine your priorities. You can also watch the video series that this book inspired.
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Lauren Ebstein –
I think the information is great and I believe in what the book says. But, I also think its super relatable for my athletes. Its been easy to give them a chapter here or there, or generate team activities from some of the content in the book. Most recently we used the character skills and moral skills and the team picked three each and then had to give examples of what each looked like and didn’t look like.
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Suzy Willemssen –
Loved the simplicity–made it very easy to use with athletes. It’s messages are universal and can be put into practice that resonate with any gender, all levels of play.
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Brett Shanklin –
It is the foundation to building teams that are focused on character development which will lead to results. This book gives direction on how to make this work.
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Danielle Cyr –
I shared the specific tools with my players and implemented the culture building strategies (ex: green dot) with our team. Great resource to build specific character skills with realistic activities. Love it!
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Jason Kilgore –
I have had conversations with leaders and captains with some of the questions and examples used in the book. My entire coaching staff read the book in 2018.
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Scott Harris –
Used this as a book study with my coaching staff (I’m a High School A.D.). Also, my coaches used many of the lessons with their teams.
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Phil Young –
Used many examples with our team that was very relevant to high school athletes
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Kelly Ford –
The sabrina story. Showed all to my team this spring and they completely related and helped us have some fantastic discussions
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Rachel Ward –
We used the letter to your sport. It was An amazing exercise that I have used with every team I have coaches. I think it helped bring people together but also allowed us a coaches to open up when I wouldn’t normally do that.
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Ruby Rojas –
Great information
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Roy Snyder –
Refocused what I do on the most important long term outcomes instead of the ephemeral feelings of “victory.”
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Matthew Neidigk –
The examples of the character skills and using the stories with our team to get their thoughts
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Tim Seymour –
I truly use the book at least once or twice a week with students, players, and even my own son. I use concrete examples from the book that will help me show kids what I’m trying to have them understand or something they need to work on to develop.
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Eliot D Smith –
I think what made this book unique for me was the way to approach coaching in a different way. Trying to use the stories that Brett provided and to really focus on character with my team. I gained so much more knowledge on how to become a better coach.
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Karen Johns –
The What Drives winning book helps you to start identify how character is the driving force behind goals and outcomes. The best coaches in the country share their view and beliefs.
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Glenn Detulleo –
I really enjoyed the focus on positive ways to inspire athletes
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Matt Heckel –
This book has so many useful tools for developing team chemistry.
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Jenny Levy –
I liked reading about real individual athlete / team challenges and solutions.
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Craig Denney (verified owner) –
The book brings to light the many different ways of winning in coaching sports. 99% of them are not on the scoreboard but in the relationships that are developed.
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Jon Hsu –
It addressed an area of athletics that I’ve always known is important, but have struggled to deal with in a practical way. The approach in the book of taking a case study and providing tools/ideas around specific character traits has been very helpful. For example, I have a player who struggles to move past his own mistakes during games. I found it convenient to be able to turn straight to the “Resilience” chapter and look at how other coaches have worked with players with similar issues (almost like a reference book).
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Scott Doan (verified owner) –
We did weekly coaching sessions to discuss the topics and grow together.
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Jamie Lew –
Love the activities. Haven’t used any on our team yet but plan to.
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Jen Conely –
Team enjoyed what we did – went over the performance and character traits – strengths and areas where they wanted more growth.
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Scott Zachmann –
Specifically, one great moment a few years ago that still impacts our team today was when we asked the team to write down the leading goal scorer in NCAA Soccer, MLS, Premier League – anything they wanted. And NONE had an answer. Then we wrote down our favorite teacher. Took the team 2 seconds to have that written down. Then they wrote all reason this teacher was so great. We chatted about how those great characteristics were human qualities. We ended the meeting with put up a sign in the classroom that simply said, “nobody remembers your stats, they remember who you are as a person”. I wish I could explain the release of all that negative energy and the connection they instantly made to life beyond just soccer (i.e how many ‘likes’ they have). It changed everything for our team and program. And for me, I started to realize too that wins or losses will not define me. How I treat and care for others does. It was a great moment. We also bought each player a book. And one activity we still do today that they LOVE is to just flip open to any page and read for 3 minutes, then we share out and talk about what stuck with them. 20 players in the room, you can really get some discussions going. We use that activity before games. 15-20 minute meetings before warmups and 95% of it is the book. 5% tactical. It’s so fun!
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